On being scrooge

Oh the joys of Christmas!  The lights, the smells, the twinkle in my children's eyes.  And the responsibilities, the crowds, the pressure that I put on myself to do things, make things, give things.

I have not been feeling the season this year.

Part of it is my daughter.  'Lil is just. so. HARD. sometimes.  I haven't let myself call her anything more than determined (though her special ed preschool teacher laughed when I said that, and said that was a VERY nice way to describe how stubborn she is).

But more than once this month, in an attempt to not scream like a banshee, I've sent everyone downstairs with a movie on, and cranked Christmas music super loud to drown out all the bad.

It's worked - sort of.  I've calmed down, but I still haven't felt the Christmas spirit.

I always give presents to many people - friends, neighbors, family.  This year I've been fine to get things together for my kids and hubby, but every time I go to do more than plan a gift for someone else, I just put it off more and more and more.  The other day I realized that I was resenting this whole gift thing.  No one is making me give presents - no one but myself.  I resented myself for being selfless in other years and expecting it of myself this year.

Selfishness has been a bit of a problem this year.  I was being Scrooge.

Enter Saturday night.  My wonderful sister took four of us to a Messiah sing along.

It was fabulous.

The soloists did more than sing notes - they sang the story.  I felt the power of that inspired piece of music.  I fumbled along as we sang A a a a a a a  a A a a a a A ------------ men over and over and over, and felt the power in my soul of the truthfulness of our Savior.  I mentally connected that "blessing and honour, glory and power" and felt my testimony deep within my soul remind my natural self of just why I've always loved giving to others.

I left that performance inspired - full of love and the Spirit of Christmas.

My only regret - it was too late to make those 6 loaves of bread for my neighbors that night.  But don't worry, I have a plan today.  I'm off to play with flour and yeast and bring that joy to others.

My Day

*So apparently I never actually did hit publish on this post! This was actually my day LAST Thursday, not today.

5:15 – ‘Lil crawls into my bed. Shoot, now I can’t wake up early. Oh well, since Hubby is flying, I’ll let her come.

5:43 – wake up to ‘Lil’s nightmare. calm her down.

5:51 – kicked in kidneys.

5:54- kicked in stomach

6:01- kicked in thigh

6:09- kicked in arm

6:36 – decide I’ve had enough kicking, and need to get going.  Spend 20 minutes calming ‘Lil back down and put on a movie for her.

6:56 – take 5 minutes to quickly read a scripture or two.

7:01 – 7:15 – start mixing up first cake, measuring the water 3 times because I keep on getting it wrong.  Also try and figure out how to fit 3 cakes in my fridge.

7:23 – First cake in oven, start mixing up second

7:26 – Buddy and Girly-Lou wake up.  Attempt to instruct them in the morning ritual while still mixing.

7:27 – stop mixing to rescue the entire box of raisin bran that ended up in the sink.

7:34 – take another look at the sweet pork in the crockpot (placed there night before). Realize there is NO possible way that those two roasts will actually cook through with all the other stuff that needs to be put in there. Call my sister to borrow a second crock pot. Shoot, her’s is broken. 

7:36 – second cake in oven, start mixing jello.

7:40-7:56 – get 3 kids dressed, two girls hair done, 2 lunches packed and family scriptures read. Also pull out first cake and pour jello over it.

7:57 – mix up third cake, put in oven

8:01-8:09 – check all homework, practice spelling, pull out second cake, pour over jello.

8:10 – get 2 kids out to bus, change Jellybean’s diaper (good morning boy!)

8:11-8:42 – get Jellybean dressed, finish third cake, call friend to borrow her crock pot instead, decided to just finish everything at the church so pack bag with all the rest of the ingredients, measuring utensils, dish rags, towels, and all possible serving utensils needed. Attempt to get in exercise clothes, run around like a crazy person, try to feed Jellybean, realize we’re already late to take ‘Lil to special preschool, throw the 2 younger kids in car and race to school.

8:59 – 9:03 – drop off ‘Lil. Race to exercise class.

9:16 – get to church for exercise class. Feel guilty that everyone has been waiting on me for the key to get inside.  Let them in, and spend 10 minutes unloading car.

9:25-9:55 – WORK MY STINKING GUTS OUT. 

9:55 – let in RS committee to set up stuff. Even though I’m stinky, it’s the best choice.

10:00 – 11:20 – finish making sweet pork, set up 6 tables, set those tables, make copies, find every stupid little round table (WHY can’t we have rectangles at this place?) to set up for the activity portion. Feel vastly inferior at my amazing committee’s skills.

11:20 – 12:00. Kill some time, realize I’m on fumes but pay day is tomorrow. Stop and put one gallon of gas in car.  Head to get ‘Lil from school.

12:01-1:00 make lunch for ‘Lil, feed Jellybean, try and clean something in my amazingly crazy kitchen, put Jellybean down for a nap.

1:03: try and check email for a minute.  Realize Jellybean is NOT going to sleep, so get him up.

1:52 put Jelly bean down (for the 5th attempt!) for a nap

1:55 finally make my lunch

2:07 get ready to take a shower

2:08 realize it’s early release and the kids will be home any minute now from school.

2:09 – 2:38 wait for the bus to FINALLY GET HERE ALREADY (and wish I would have gotten in the shower at 2!)

2:39: kids off the bus, check backpacks, get snacks, send outside to play.

2:44 finally shower

2:53 play with my kids!

3:58 get dinner ready for kids.  Also attempt to make my hair look decent and throw on some lipstick.

4: 15 baths and pj for 4 kids (crazy!)

5:20 head to activity.

5:30 – 8:45 Finish setting up dinner, greet people as they come, talk to the girls in charge of the children’s class, have fabulous activity, clean up whole building. Wrestle kids back into car and drive home.

9:00 give Jellybean antibiotics, Girly-Lou shot, ‘Lil sipper of water, and Buddy a big hug and get them to bed.

9:16: finish typing this up. Hitting publish and going to bed now!

Read with me

I am a reader.

Seriously.

Just ask my mom.

When I was 16 I got my own room.  It was awesome.  After several months, I realized I was right next to the work room - which had its own exit.  I could sneak out and my mom would NEVER KNOW.

It took a few nights to work up the courage. Then I carefully placed my sneakers on my too wide feet, eased open that work room door, and tiptoed up the cement stairs. The whole world was at my fingertips.

What did I do with all that freedom?

I sat on the swing set and read. 

I was such a rebel.

Reading is my escape.  It lets me turn off reality for a short time and explore another world. A place where all my problems will be solved in 400 pages. 

Even in my busiest times, I have a book I'm reading.  All through college, or testing, or potty training, I find time to read - even just 15 minutes during lunch.

I also love Good Reads. It lets me keep track of just how many books I love, and helps me remember what those books actually are. 

With all that in mind, I'm going to start something new here. I am NOT turning this into an actual book blog. But I am planning on putting a few thoughts once and a while on what I'm reading.

And I actually set a reading goal this year.  75 books. Should be easy (I've done 10 in 3 weeks). And you guys can keep me on task too -there's a widget over on the side there that shows my progress.

Want to join me?

A personal before and after

While I wish this was me saying I’m now a size 6, this personal improvement is a bit quicker to achieve.

 

Guys, it’s been almost 14 months since I had a haircut.   It’s just sad.  My hair has been bugging me for at least 9 of those months.  And I still put it off and off and off.

So here I am.  I wanted to look nice, so I even put on some make up.  Make up on a Wednesday, I must love you guys!

But I apparently drew the line at actually doing my hair. Which is one of the huge reasons I needed a hair cut.  See, I am actually capable of making hair look ok. But I’ve learned, if my hair gets past my shoulders, 97% of the time it will look like this:

Always. I just throw it back in a claw or pony tail.  I was DONE!

 

There is an awesome beauty school fairly close to me. They do incredibly professional work, and a hair cut is only $5.  I also really wanted something new. I’ve had the same style for 3 years now, and I was ready for a change.  So I got brave. 

When the girl asked me what I wanted, I said something new, what would you suggest!  She thought I’d look good with a swing bob.  I was clueless what that was! After the description, I agreed, as long as it wasn’t too crazy choppy in the back. 

 

And we also did a longer than normal version of it.

 

So after, 5 inches cut off the back and 3 1/2 in the front, here I am:

I can’t believe how much better it feels! It’s not so heavy, so yucky, so in my face.  I’m loving it!

 

Now I just have to see if I can style it like she did!

 

******************************************************************

Ready for some outtakes? Did you know just how hard it is to take a good picture of yourself in the mirror?  I liked the coloring better that way, but oh dear, it was hard!

And very quickly you feel like every picture looks like this :

And you feel like this:

 

 

Oh well!

How to make yourself really, REALLY tired in 5 steps

Step 1: Be 7 months pregnant. Now really, we could stop there, but if you’re going to do something, we might as well be thorough here.

Step 2: Stay up way too late watching silly movies because your Hubby is flying, and even though you know he’s in a different state, you still struggle to go to bed without him.

Step 3: Have a drama queen 7 year old with both a sunburn AND the sniffles (oh the horrors!). She’ll be so vocally miserable, you’ll convince her to try to take a nap at 4:30 (something she hasn’t done for 5 years).  Amazingly, she’ll actually fall asleep.  At 5:30, you’ll try to wake her for dinner, but she’ll be completely unresponsive. Not coma unresponsive, but roll away and not come even close to waking unresponsive. Decide sleep is good for her anyway and leave her there.  Don’t you worry, she’ll wake up 4 hours later, completely famished. You’ll give her dinner and send her back to bed. Of course she’ll then proceed to come down every 15 minutes to tell you she can’t sleep.  This will last until around 10:00

Step 4: Around 11:30, when you were finally thinking about heading to bed yourself, have your 2 year old start crying. Not a normal cry, but a truly something is wrong cry. Remember she’s been . . . off lately, and go help her. Her entire bed will be soaking wet. Dry diaper, no spilled water sipper, just everything strangely wet. Get everything changed, comfort her, and get her back to bed.  But the night isn’t over yet folks!  Around 2 am, she’ll wake you up again and say “bed, bed!”  You’ll then try to get some sleep for 30 minutes with her sitting on your face in your bed.  Then, she’ll suddenly sit up and make a very strange noise. Frantically run down the hall with her hoping you can get her to the bathroom before she throws up all over you.  Of course, bending over even the sink will freak her out, so she’ll throw up all over the floor. But once she’s calmed down, at least she’ll let you lay her back in her bed!

Step 5: Toss and turn for the next hour trying to get back to sleep.  Have all three kids wake up before 6 am, for a grand total of 4 hours of sleep!

 

Extra credit step: Every time the house is quiet during the day attempt to lay down for a nap. Within 60 seconds, your entire family will come looking for you!

*This procedure is guaranteed to make you deliriously exhausted.  Undertake at your own risk.  Author is not responsible for how cranky you’ll be.

Gyp

What I thought I bought:

The bestest happy treats ever.
What I actually bought
:
Just plain! I was SOOO flippin disappointed! Why on earth put them in the same color bags?!?!
*and no, this was not to blow my get healthy plans. This was to fill my awesome advent calendar. So, yes, it's just my kids that will be eating them. But I really wanted to snitch some leftovers and now I can't!

Stick it.

Life has been a zoo around here. I've been working on an amazing thoughtful and profound post on my weekend.


Hopefully it'll be done before next April.

IN the mean time . . . Hubby is attempting to teach me how to drive a stick. We've done a grand total of 3 lessons so far. While I can drive it, please don't ask me to drive at an intersection with 4 other cars!

At one particularly horrible stuttering shift, I realized, every time the car jerked around as I yet again failed to smoothly release the clutch, 'Lil was in the back seat proclaiming "U-u-u-OH!".

Even my 20 month old knows I need more practice.

One of those days.

 

Do you ever feel like laundry is slowly taking over your entire world?

My bed is somewhere under all that. But at least I know I'll finish folding laundry if I want to actually sleep tonight!

Clearance SCORE!

I've been on a hunt for a fabulous new purse now for about 5 months.

For the last 6 years, I've actually been using a scripture tote for my purse. It's been great - but it's just not big enough anymore. I want to be able to fit in my wallet, a spare diaper, AND a pack of gum.  So I've been looking.

 

My better than what I had before 6year old purse.

However, I haven't been willing to pay much for it.  As in, I want a fabulous purse for less than $20.  Not an easy feat.

I finally decided I might just have to make myself one. I now have this huge file of bookmarks of purses.

Before my trip, I'd narrowed it down to to a decision between this one:

And this one.

I was leaning towards the awesome organization of the second.  But my big hang up was the 3 yards of upholstery weight fabric, not to mention all the super duper interfacing and magnets and zippers and such.  Unless I found a killer sale, it was going to cost me about $30 to make the silly thing.

I was hoping I could find some great cheap fabric on while visiting my family.  I found something much better.

Every store we went to (which was way more than we should have!) I would look at handbag selection offered. I finally found one that was kind of sorta ok at wallyworld. It was $16, but I knew to actually like it I'd need to add some magnetic snaps, so it would push it over my magic $20 mark.  I also knew I could get the exact same bag back home, so I put it off.

Then, we went to a craft fair.  I found the most amazing bag ever.  I'd tell you the kind - but I don't remember. But it's this awesome brand that has great magnets on the outside, and changeable shells that you can just slap on and change the whole look in a few seconds.  I loved the style, I loved the pockets, I love everything about it.

But not the price. To get it all the way I wanted to, even with the fabulous deal she had going on, would be close to $100.  Um, yeeeeaaaaaaaahh. That's not happening.

We continued wondering on. I found other adorable offerings, but nothing I couldn't live without.  Then,  I noticed another purse booth. 

I knew right away, I wasn't really interested in her stuff. The name of the booth was something along the lines of "purse bling" and everything was super big and showy - not my style.  But I noticed a big tub labeled "clearance."  Well, I had to at least look, now didn't I?

Most were the same that she had displayed, but with a broken zipper or other imperfection.  And then  I saw it.

A cute, understated purse, with great dividers.  Nothing broken, in great condition.

 The price?

Nine bucks.

That thing was sold as fast as I could find a family member who had more than the dollar cash I had on hand.  What? I was traveling, and all I had was my debit card.  But don't you worry. I went back to wally world that night and got some cash back to pay my adorable niece right back!

Just a bit bigger than my old one!

I love my new purse. It's truly awesome just how much I can fit in there. Things are much easier to find, and it looks a lot nicer than my old one!

Pleasure

I just got back from Harry Potter 7.2

I'm not ashamed to say I cried.





Twice.




and I plead the fifth as to the tear content of Hubby's eyes.

Hush

I pause on the stairs, one foot above the other.  I listen.  I hear the fridge kick on. A car passes outside.  Thunder rumbles (again still).

But nothing else.

For slightly more than 24 hours, I have been the only living thing in my house. (ok, to get technical, there are three houseplants, and probably some bugs hiding out, but you get the idea.)

A few weeks ago, my mother-in-law called.  In a nutshell, she told Hubby that she moved to our state to see her grandchildren, and she was going through withdrawals.  Seeing as how they had only closed on their house three days earlier, I was thinking they might want to get out of boxes a bit.

But with a marvelous long weekend in sight, we planned a mutually beneficial trip. She got to be  Grandma. I got time alone.

This is the first time in my married life that I've been alone in my house. 

(and the sky is now green outside my window!)

I've painted my entire living room (two coats). I've sewn something just for me.  I've watched non-animated movies. I've sang random songs at the top of my lungs. I've cleaned out our new freezer.  I've eaten random bad for me food.  I've seen how long I can sleep in.

And it's been awesome.  I would not want to do this all day every day. But for a chance to recharge, it's been one of the best times I've ever had.

Tomorrow Hubby comes home. And we'll have time, just the two of us.  Then, Sunday afternoon, we'll go see the kids.  And I'll be ready to be a Mommy again.

Ready

TO start this post off, I'd like to make it perfectly clear that I am NOT pregnant. Ok?  Just so there's no mix up here.


Since I've been married, the majority of my friends have been older than myself.  As I've thrilled with each aspect of being pregnant, they have sighed with relief that it wasn't them. They had their time, but now it was someone else's turn.   It's always taken me back a bit. I've been so excited to be pregnant, the concept of being happy to not be so has been light years off my radar.

But I'm closer to understanding it now.

Last fall, Hubby and I decided to not have a baby in 2011. So of course I got baby hungry the month after we changed our insurance, and have stressed every. single. month. about our choices.

But that deadline is just about up now.

And I'm ready.

I'm ready for my last pregnancy to start.  I thrill at the idea of the last stretch marks. I'm ready to know what color clothes I need to stock.  How happy I'll be for that last catheter!  I'm ready for the last round of "firsts". I'm ready to be done with car seats. To plan the last round of toilet training thrills my soul.  I'm ready to not have little people crawling all over me. I'm ready to start this last trip down babyhood.

I don't know how long this trip will take. Last time it wasn't so great. But I thrill at the idea of finally starting it.

I know that this will be the very last time I go down this road. Physically, I only get four pregnancies, and we plan on doing some permanent choices regarding that.  Waiting these last few months for the timing to be acceptable has been agonizing - I just want to start this path!

I don't know how much I'll talk about it. It will depend on how hard it is this time. I don't think it will be - I know my body and cycles so much more thoroughly now, that I don't expect too much hassle . 

So here's to a new adventure. One I'm very ready to begin!

Laree and the no good rotten very bad day

Some days disappearing to Australia really does sound rather nice.

To start off, 'Lil woke up twice screaming last night. To be fair, the first time she'd managed to soak clear through everything, but changing everything in the middle of the night doesn't make waking up in the morning any easier. And then she woke up for real at 6:30, which my body did not agree with. (apparently, it didn't agree with my alarm either. My alarm failed to go off at 5:51, so I didn't get to exercise today too).

Then I had a boy who could not cope with ANY trial today. There were 3 episodes of running away sobbing just before breakfast was over.

And it snowed today, which made everyone cranky.

And my Valspar paint sample - which I've been trying to get on Facebook for weeks now - finally came. And instead of the pretty soft green I thought I clicked on, I got neon grass green. Which after attempting to mix with other paint colors at my house, the best I was able to come up with was a dingy forest green.

So a trip to the store was in order. And while I got a better sample color mixed, I had a crazy hard time finding almost everything else on my list.

And then I forgot to go to the two other stores I've needed to go to for a week.

When we got home, everyone was starving. And my house looks like a giant picked it up, spun it around twelve times, and then tossed it back down.

But I finally got everyone settled and attempted to sample paint my kitchen. The color I love; the paint not so much. So I'm going to have to try to get a different brand of paint tinted to just the right color to match (yuck!)

And my baby has learned to sob whenever she can't get her own way, so my head has been pounding all day.

And then I tried to hang up my new shelf - which I somehow made yesterday at Happy Mom's house (in between helping her clean, cook 1495 things, and play with all the company she had). This super cool shelf . . . I measured wrong. And it's 1/4 and inch too big to fit on my wall.

So I finally FINALLY got a minute to myself to check emails. And kohls is having this great sale and I find this awesome bedding that I love to try for my new bed. (yup, I got a new bed. It's awesome, but I haven't blogged about it 'cause it looks really stupid with my deader-than-dead bedspread on it. And I tried to get a new one online, but when it came it looked really REALLY stupid, so I had to send it back and I haven't been able to find anything better until today that didn't cost an arm and a leg).

And instead of telling you everything I tried to do in the next 90 minutes, lets just say kohls didn't have it at their store, their charge cards are stupid, and since my house is 45 years old, I'm pretty sure my city and zip code are right, no matter what their data base says, and no I don't want to take a phone survey about it!

And I forgot AGAIN to go to those two stores I've needed to for a week.

And the bread I was making for dinner rose too long so it's going to taste funny.

And I seriously SERIOUSLY wish it was just bedtime right now so this no good rotten very bad day could just be done!!!!

2.5 hours and counting. Anyone know a good movie about Australia?

Woot Woot!

Do you follow Ana White's site? You know, the one with all the fabulous FREE furniture plans (which I've made a couple now)?

I do. But I don't always read everything in her posts. I mean, I don't have any interest in making a doll highchair, so didn't click on that one.

Her last post was about bunk beds. Well, I already did that one too. So again, didn't read it.

Then, all of the sudden, I was getting a ton of comments on the girls' room. I was surprised, since it's been a while since Remodelaholic featured that one. So I looked at my referrals, and realized they were all coming from Ana. I clicked on over, and she totally featured my room with these bunk bed plans.

I have to tell you, I needed this today. I have a wonderful life, but all morning long I was feeling very not wonderful. Very not important, not inspiring, not cool. You know how life has a tendency to get you down with the daily dishes, cleaning, running around, not to mention feverish kiddos. I was just really struggling.

It's amazing how a little affirmation can really help you remember that life is great!

Thanks Ana! You rock!

Made it!

In only 10 days, I

• made presents for 7 sisters (and only changed my mind three times to what I was doing)
• finished our name present
• made something for my mom
• finished Hubby's side stuff
• sewed 10 table runners (sorry, not in the picture, I already gave them to Happy Mom)
• and pieced a queen sized quilt, put it all together, and bound it too.

All while having my in-laws here for 7 days, watching 2 extra kids 5 days, and not going completely insane!

Of course, there's still more to do before I'm completely ready for Christmas, but you have no idea how satisfied I am with all that got accomplished in the last week!

*did I debate back and forth a dozen times about posting a picture of all these presents because the recipients all follow this blog. You better believe it. Apparently bragging rights won out over surprises.

Forget Maniac Shopping . . .

Around here, we're just busy maniac CRAFTING!

Yes. This is my pile of crafts that need to be done. The joyful thing - this is only the stuff that needs to be done before December 13. There's more that I'm putting off until after that.

On the table are:

• presents for both moms
• present for the person who's name we have for Christmas (my side)
• presents for Hubby's side
• 10 table runners for a wedding reception
• fabric for a pieced quilt, also for the reception
• a little something (that may change) for a little present for my sisters
• presents for my primary class

Whew. All in 14 days. And my in laws are coming today for a few days. Wish me luck in my insanity!

Time

"Time enjoyed spending is not wasted."

I truly believe that. I enjoy so many things in my life, many of which is "wasting" time. However, my wasted time is also time I can never get back. And lately I've been enjoying far too much time on things that don't matter.

Reading is one of those. I read (and read and read and read) a lot. Probably too much. I'm currently averaging almost 3 books a week. All at least 300 pages. Um yah. I think I've tipped past the hobby level into the obsession/addiction level. This is something I need to cut back on. For starters, I made the rule I am now only allowed 3 books to be checked out from the library at one time.

Along with reading books, I read a lot of blogs. Today I realized how much time I spend reading blogs. The problem is there is just so much information out there! I'm fascinated by so many things, so many wonderful ideas, so much to discover. But there are more important things in my life than the latest mythbusters results. So today I cut down my google reader. I started with 74, and managed to trim it to only 49. And since a full dozen of those post only once in a blue moon, it really could be less.

Cutting back on the blogs was an interesting process. It's kind of like de-junking anything else. I start to just get rid of everything! Do I need 6 home improvement blogs that all talk about the same thing? Nope! How about 7 scrap booking blogs that I never even read any more? Cooking blogs that I never have time to make? All gone!

One thing I spend far too much time on is wishing for other things. I find myself spending too much time on my "someday" plans, and not enough in real time. How much do you do this? "Someday" I'll be able to afford that. "Someday" I'll have enough time. "Someday" I'll do this. Recently I looked around my house and realized just how many things I've got that I've always wanted. Things for my kids, things for my house, things for my spouse. And while the list of things I would like to have is long, things get checked off at a fairly regular basis. So today my goal is to enjoy what I've got, and not stress about the things I want.


So what do I want to do with all the time that I'm "saving"? Here's what I plan on doing more of every day.

#1. Snuggle my baby. She's growing at such an amazing pace, wowing me everyday. I will take the time to rejoice in her stages, and just bask in that two tooth smile she loves to shower upon me.

#2. Think about my Hubby. Caught up in the daily grind, busy with chores and diapers, I do not spend enough time focused on my spouse. It's much harder when he's off flying, but even when he's home I don't think about him enough. Someday there won't be any noses left to wipe. If my house gets messy I will only be able to blame myself. And at that point, I don't want to find myself not knowing this man who has stuck by my side. If he is truly one of the most important things in my life, then I need to spend more time (even just mental) with him.

#3. Play games with Buddy. With Girly-Lou off at school for a ridiculous amount of time every day, Buddy gets very lonely. I want him to remember (if he does at all) these times with Mommy as special times. Not as just being bored all day times.

#4. Clean. And I mean some serious cleaning. Not just picking up. I do ok at picking up. But why don't I dust once and a while. Vacuum more than monthly. If 'Lil is eating things off the floor, I want to to be something spilled at breakfast, not something we ate last week.

Then there's my BIG 3. Praying, scriptures, and exercise. I need to spend some serious time on my knees talking to my Father. I need to study, not just read my scriptures. And I seriously need to work more on my health. I've still got 19 lbs to loose before I'm back to my pre baby weight!

I actually started a list like this back in July. But I made it too long. There were too many things to work on at once. Which meant I was not actually getting to all of them, which turned into not doing any of them way too quickly. But I'm ready to get working again. Being my crazy self, I of course had to make a cute sign to hang up to help me remember.

My goal is to make my time reflect what is most important to me. To cherish what I have. To rejoice in my life.

What's your goal?

Writing

I have more than one place where I write my thoughts. First I started with a private family blog. Living thousands of miles away from both sets of grandparents, this was the perfect way to let them know what was going on with the kids. It was a glimpse into our life (and SUPER helpful when I started scrap booking a year later).

Then I found an online journal site (myldsjournal.com). A place where I could write more private thoughts, that no one else could see. They even email you to remind you to write. Sitting down for a few minutes after checking my email, I could log my life into being.

Then I decided I wanted to be cool. I wanted a place where no one knew who I was. I wanted complete strangers to read my words, maybe help, inspire or touch someone else's life. Like most stay at home moms, I was looking for validation in my life. To know I was someone worth knowing, that I was doing more than just wiping noses all day long. So I started this blog. But now most all of my readers I'm related to. (although suprisingly that number is shrinking!) While that's nice, it's hard sometimes to remember that the point of writing here was to be my uninhibited self - to write like I would if no one knew who I was.

I've toyed with the idea of even writing a book. I don't know that I'd try to get published, but there are days when I have so many words just clamoring to get out.

Like most things in my life, writing seems to go in cycles. My online journal was perfect for me for about a year. Now it sees almost no use. If my family blog is suffering, I'm likely to be posting often here. If I slack off here, I'm usually good to update my family blog. And the book is nothing more than vague ideas and half formed dreams. And if I'm sleep deprived and spending all my days chasing babies and painting beds, any writing anywhere is hard to come by.

After finishing the girls' room, I've been without a major project for a few days. The first day I kind of wandered around my house in a daze, not sure what to do with myself. The kitchen was clean, laundry was done, baby was napping . . . I had time without something to do. I've felt frustrated at my lack of ideas for posting lately. It seems that when all my brain power was consumed by piecing quilts and cleaning and painting, and mom-ing, I had nothing left for this outlet. But just yesterday and today, the ideas have started to flow again.

So here's to some ideas coming back. We'll see how many of them actually end up being blog worthy. (for example, my dream last night, while it might make a really bad action/fantasy film, isn't something I'm going to subject you to). I can't promise anything profound, but rambling is almost guaranteed.

Trying to not give myself Ulcers

My oldest starts kindergarten. one week from today.

There are the obvious things about this. How on EARTH could this tiny little creature:
be old enough to go to school? (and how did I become grown up enough to be her Mom?)
Do we have everything ready? Where are we going to put all the papers? Can I actually pack a decent lunch for her? Will she have fun? Will she be ok?

And then there are some more specific worries:

• Will she stress out about riding the bus by herself (cause she stresses, A LOT, about little things, especially if she's never done it before)
• Will she be able to find her class, her supplies, her bus without stressing out?
• Will she be able to actually open her string cheese/applesauce/ziplock baggie at lunch?
• Will she make good friends, or just flaky people that I don't really want her to be around?
• Will her teacher try to teach her things that go against what her parents tell her?
• Will she be picked on because she is such a messy person - really. When she eats, when she crafts, when she plays, she makes an amazing mess. Way more than her little brother.
• Will she be completely exhausted and amazingly grouchy with a 6 1/2 hour school day?
• Will her brother cope with his full time playmate gone for most of the day?

Fear of the unknown is one of the hardest fears to overcome. And this Mom is trying SUPER hard to not let her young become aware of just how freaked out I am for her. Instead I'm trying to emphasise the positive, both to her and for me.

• She's almost reading, on her own.
• She loves to learn, about everything.
• She thrives with social contact-something we've been missing since we moved a year ago.
• She insists on a "perfect" person to the outside world, which means she's the biggest angel around with others and waits for the bad with me.
• There are dozens of people there just to help her get through her day.
• She's only a 3 minute drive away.
• Kindergarten is not college. The hardest thing she'll be doing is learning how to write something other than capital letters.
• Someone else, who is actually paid to do so, will now get to answer her hundreds of questions.
• How could I not want my child to grow, to learn, to stretch, to become what she is meant to be.

I love my Girly-Lou. I will miss her energy, her joy, her insane spaghetti faces all day long. But I want her to become an even more incredible person. So I will begin to send her out into the world.

And she will come back to me.

I'd make a lousy Pioneer.

Summer is hot. I know. News flash, right?

Our air conditioning was installed in 1991. To say it has seen better days would be an understatement. That puppy can groan like an comedy audience subjected to nothing but Laughy Taffy rappers.

Last year it died. A mere 72 hours after the mortgage was signed. Fortunately for us, the previous owners purchased a Home Warranty. We asked to have the system replaced. They said they'd shove in some freon and if it failed again they'd consider it.

When the mechanic came out, we inquired concerning the price to replace it ourselves. He estimated 5,000-7,000. We declined.

Almost 1 year later (to the day!) it died, again. Our warranty had now expired -just one week before, of course. The idea of just putting in freon again was debated, but we felt the estimated price (more than $300) was not worth the results. We knew the leak was only getting bigger, and just throwing money down that hole was undesirable.

"We can tough it out!" I cried. "People have lived without cold air for thousands of years! There's only a few more months of summer! We'll be like pioneers, strong and faithful! We have a basement! It will be fine!"

(do I sound convincing? I think I was trying to convince myself.)

So off Hubby went on a trip, and I played at home. Day after day, we sweated. Girly-Lou and Buddy started fighting all day long. 'Lil started being fussy, and was only pseudo happy if she was in my arms. I started snapping over small insignificant things. No one was sleeping. Humidity levels inside the house began to resemble sauna conditions. Anything with paper began curling - the calendar, the notebooks, every book in the house looked like it had been dipped in water and then left to dry. The idea of cooking anything was as painful as sandpaper over a sunburn. And still we sweated. And stewed. And tensions grew and grew.

Hubby came home. I informed him I was not meant to be a pioneer. I was weak. I could not take it any longer and we needed to find another option. He just looked at me, confused at the difference. Just four days before I had been the one to convince him that no action was needed.

Now I was this blubbering mess floundering before him.

"Are you sure?" he inquired? "I think we might be ok."

"Live with us for 24 hours and then look me in the eyes and say that." I replied.

4 hours later he started looking up phone numbers.

Quotes began coming in. The news was comforting. For a fraction of the original price quoted, we could replace the entire system. Funds were gathered, and the new system chosen. Hubby stayed at home while I loaded the kids up and headed to the mall. For our family's sake, we just could not handle the heat any longer.

4 hours later a motor began running. A trickle of frigid air began the agonizing battle to vanquish the heat. It's struggling to win, but will eventually be victorious. Especially once we stop sitting on top of all the vents.

There is a reason I was not born 200 years ago. My family needs cool, drier air to not self destruct. Air conditioning has left the realm of luxury and turned into necessity. And how blessed I am that I only had to live for seven days before I understood just how lucky I am.

Now excuse me. I need to get back to my vent seat before someone else claims it.

Ahh. Cool, dry air. Life is good.