Monday, December 16, 2013

On being scrooge

Oh the joys of Christmas!  The lights, the smells, the twinkle in my children's eyes.  And the responsibilities, the crowds, the pressure that I put on myself to do things, make things, give things.

I have not been feeling the season this year.

Part of it is my daughter.  'Lil is just. so. HARD. sometimes.  I haven't let myself call her anything more than determined (though her special ed preschool teacher laughed when I said that, and said that was a VERY nice way to describe how stubborn she is).

But more than once this month, in an attempt to not scream like a banshee, I've sent everyone downstairs with a movie on, and cranked Christmas music super loud to drown out all the bad.

It's worked - sort of.  I've calmed down, but I still haven't felt the Christmas spirit.

I always give presents to many people - friends, neighbors, family.  This year I've been fine to get things together for my kids and hubby, but every time I go to do more than plan a gift for someone else, I just put it off more and more and more.  The other day I realized that I was resenting this whole gift thing.  No one is making me give presents - no one but myself.  I resented myself for being selfless in other years and expecting it of myself this year.

Selfishness has been a bit of a problem this year.  I was being Scrooge.

Enter Saturday night.  My wonderful sister took four of us to a Messiah sing along.

It was fabulous.

The soloists did more than sing notes - they sang the story.  I felt the power of that inspired piece of music.  I fumbled along as we sang A a a a a a a  a A a a a a A ------------ men over and over and over, and felt the power in my soul of the truthfulness of our Savior.  I mentally connected that "blessing and honour, glory and power" and felt my testimony deep within my soul remind my natural self of just why I've always loved giving to others.

I left that performance inspired - full of love and the Spirit of Christmas.

My only regret - it was too late to make those 6 loaves of bread for my neighbors that night.  But don't worry, I have a plan today.  I'm off to play with flour and yeast and bring that joy to others.

2 comments:

  1. I've been to a couple of Messiah sings-in with your sister years ago. Always made me feel great and grateful for the Season and for my Savior. Glad you're feeling more like you always have. You are terrific and I love you all so much!

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  2. That is such a good story! I love those moments that kind of "kick-start" your soul when things have been difficult. Thanks for sharing!

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