Thursday, March 12, 2009

I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We have entered THE. WORST. STAGE. OF. TODDLERHOOD. E.V.E.R.!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Toilet training.

Yes. That retched obstacle is still in front of our household. We have not overcome this hurdle. It just might kill us as we attempt it. It for has already claimed the sanity of this mother, and may leave even more damage in its wake.

I would rather take colicky triplets than train another child to use the toilet. I believe I'd rather face a mob, brave a famine, and I'd for sure prefer a 16 hour plane ride with those colicky triplets than go through another day of this . . . mess.

No one ever tells you just how miserable it is to get your child to do the duty. You can explain all you want. You can bribe. You can encourage. You can threaten. But you can not make them do it.

I think that's the hardest part of all.

You're so sure that he understands. He can talk you through every step. But will he do it? NO!

We've been training Buddy now for 2 months. This is not the first attempt at training. Oh no. This is the 4th. A full year ago, when he was only 18 months old, he was ready to train. He showed every single sign of wanting to do the deed. We even tried a teeny bit. The biggest problem? We were also moving. It's just too much to try to train and move at the same time. That's two too many changes in their little world. So I put it off. Then tried again, then put it off, then tried again, then put it off . . . .

After a wonderful trip to see my parents (for a whole month ), I decided we were doing this. NOW. It was way past the point. He was ready, I was ready, and we were NOT moving anywhere yet.

It's been a long road. After 3 weeks, I'd say we had about 40% success with the #1 business. Not bad. Maybe this will be ok.

That's not the problem. The problem my friends is #2.

Oh the bane of my existence. #2. That yucky smelly substance that never goes away. And is everywhere. Yes, EVERYWHERE.

Because, you see, my brilliant son, Buddy, is too independent. He can tell you exactly what he is supposed to do if he needs to do his business. But when he fails, he takes care of it himself. He removes is own diaper (or unders, whichever the case may be), sits down on his bed, rolls around the carpet, plays on/through his toys, and makes sure that every single surface is coated before letting me know that there is a problem.

I'm not exaggerating. This just occurred 1 hour ago, just after I put him down for a nap. I had no idea something was wrong until I heard him playing. I went in to check on him. . . . Have you ever seen Daddy Daycare? Do you remember the scene when the little boy has to go to the bathroom, comes out and says "I missed"? Do you remember the look of horror on Eddie Murphy's face as he views the destruction? Now imagine that scene in a beige carpet covered bedroom.

My next house will have solid surface for every room. Brilliant green (thanks neon cupcakes!) gunk is very not fun to scrub out of beige carpet.

Very. Not. Fun.

So I'll take someone's colicky triplets if they'll train my son. Just don't expect me to train those triplets (ack! just kill me now!)

Now, seriously, I can't be the only one who has gone through this. He almost never has accidents with #1 anymore, but this #2 business . . . . So this is my cry for help. I know I have a couple of readers (aka, sisters since no one else reads this) who have successfully trained sons. Even more than one son. Any ideas? Do I just suffer through this, hoping that since he's actually done the deed twice in the bathroom in the last 4 days we might be seeing some successes in the horizon? Or do I just let my self go insane, lock myself in a padded room for the next 4 months and let someone else teach him what to do? HELP!


  1. so well, I haven't yet had to train a boy...and I really just laughed my head off at the way you described your current I hope that doesn't mean I have to eat some humble pie down the road. I wish I lived closer and we could just trade kids for a day and see if someone else trying would fix the issue. Not that you aren't doing a great job trying, but sometimes another reinforcement makes all the difference. Do you have a really good friend down there yet? Seriously this is all I could come up with...but it might do the trick. Good luck! Love you Auntie!

  2. My sentiments EXACTLY!!!! When they hand me my perfect, pure baby in the hospital, I'm ashamed to admit that along with the wonder and the joy, I also have the thought, "I'm going to have to potty train you." It's my absolute worst motherhood chore. I have NO words of wisdom. My solution has been to put it off until they are almost old enough to do it without accidents. Mom told me once that as long as they are trained by the time they go to kindergarten, it doesn't really matter. I believe in that with my whole soul!!! For example, my oldest daughter. After trying a few times and giving up each time (she was ready, but I went ballistic when she messed--just literally couldn't cope with it--my life was pretty stressful at the time), I decided that it was better to let her wear diapers than to risk beating her. So I quit trying. She was four when she came to me and asked "Mommy, when can I wear big-girl panties?" (yes, she was old enough to be speaking in complete sentences like that). I told her I would be happy to get her some and then I trained her. She have VERY few accidents. I liked that and so have put off training my subsequent children for as long as possible! Less mess that way!!!! Maybe not the best solution--but it's what I did to cope.

  3. You are not alone. My son used to leave me dookies under the table just to be an ass. Hang in. It'll get better.

  4. Okay, so i am trying to train my 3 yo DD. (Well, she won't be three for about a month and a half) To have three in diapers was putting a damper on the budget. Anyway, she has never even gone pee on the toilet. she has pooped 3 times, but never peed. What's up with that. She can even changer her own diaper, atleast take it off and put it in the trash and try to put on a clean one.
    I have no idea what to do. I think my now 10 yo DS was easier and he had poop accidents until he was about 6.
    My 5 yo son came to me at age 2 after his baby (now almost 3) sister got a diaper change and said that diapers were gross and could he please wear big boy pants.
    If you figure out this great mystery, please post so the rest of us can be done with diapers. Thanks.


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