Words in my Heart

There have been several blog posts in the past few days that have touched me. To be honest, I do not have words to explain just why. Some have talked about family. Some about womanhood. Some have been funny. Some have been poignant. But each one has made me grateful to "know" this friend.

Did you ever think something like this was possible? Blogger friends go so far beyond the old pen pal routine. Words that you write, words that you read, can touch someone you have never met in person. Your presence is there for anyone to find. Sometimes that's good. Sometimes it's not so fun. But what an amazing responsibility we have, to bless others' lives.

I have an inkling why I'm so pensive lately. But that's a topic for another day, another post. For tonight, I just wanted to do a general shout out.

Thank you.

Thank you for reading my ramblings. Thank you for writing back. Thank you for making me think. Thank you for making me laugh. Thank you for making me know I'm not alone. Thank you for inspiring me. Thank you for chastising me. Thank you for helping me to find myself again.

And yes, if you are reading this, know you are included in that thank you. By helping me connect, you have helped me too.

Trying to not give myself Ulcers

My oldest starts kindergarten. one week from today.

There are the obvious things about this. How on EARTH could this tiny little creature:
be old enough to go to school? (and how did I become grown up enough to be her Mom?)
Do we have everything ready? Where are we going to put all the papers? Can I actually pack a decent lunch for her? Will she have fun? Will she be ok?

And then there are some more specific worries:

• Will she stress out about riding the bus by herself (cause she stresses, A LOT, about little things, especially if she's never done it before)
• Will she be able to find her class, her supplies, her bus without stressing out?
• Will she be able to actually open her string cheese/applesauce/ziplock baggie at lunch?
• Will she make good friends, or just flaky people that I don't really want her to be around?
• Will her teacher try to teach her things that go against what her parents tell her?
• Will she be picked on because she is such a messy person - really. When she eats, when she crafts, when she plays, she makes an amazing mess. Way more than her little brother.
• Will she be completely exhausted and amazingly grouchy with a 6 1/2 hour school day?
• Will her brother cope with his full time playmate gone for most of the day?

Fear of the unknown is one of the hardest fears to overcome. And this Mom is trying SUPER hard to not let her young become aware of just how freaked out I am for her. Instead I'm trying to emphasise the positive, both to her and for me.

• She's almost reading, on her own.
• She loves to learn, about everything.
• She thrives with social contact-something we've been missing since we moved a year ago.
• She insists on a "perfect" person to the outside world, which means she's the biggest angel around with others and waits for the bad with me.
• There are dozens of people there just to help her get through her day.
• She's only a 3 minute drive away.
• Kindergarten is not college. The hardest thing she'll be doing is learning how to write something other than capital letters.
• Someone else, who is actually paid to do so, will now get to answer her hundreds of questions.
• How could I not want my child to grow, to learn, to stretch, to become what she is meant to be.

I love my Girly-Lou. I will miss her energy, her joy, her insane spaghetti faces all day long. But I want her to become an even more incredible person. So I will begin to send her out into the world.

And she will come back to me.