It's finally here. Tomorrow, whether I like it or not, I will have a baby. A tiny little helpless bundle to take care of. I did not think I'd make it this long - I was so sure this one was coming early. But here I am, less than 10 hours away from meeting this new member of our family.
So many people have asked the same questions over and over.
"Are you ready?"
"Are you nervous?"
"Are you excited?"
"Do you need anything?"
How do you answer these questions? Let me try.
"Are you ready?" Well, what do you mean? The nursery is assembled, diapers stockpiled, a small amount of formula ready. The baby has clothes to wear, a place to sleep, a car seat, blankets, burp clothes, pacifier, lotion, soap. The kids are at Happy Mom's, my bags are packed, and my abdomen scrubbed according to regulations. Am I ready to not feel fat and ugly all the time? Am I ready to start getting my body back (at least be small enough to not injure myself getting in and out of our tiny shower)? Am I ready to finally know if we're having a "Little Flower" or "Blue Junior" (yes, those are the blog names, based on what my children in reality want to name this one). Am I ready for the sleep deprivation, the aches, the flood of hormones? Am I ready to fall in love again? Am I ready to be responsible for another life again?
Can you ever really be ready?
"Are you nervous?" Nervous about what? About the c-section? About not being able to go from siting to standing or the other way with out immense pain for weeks? About if nursing will actually work this time around? If Buddy, who took 18 months to toilet train, will start reverting like all the experts say to expect (like happened this morning . . . .) If my kids will be jealous with all the attention the new one will get. Or the other way - if they love the baby so much they smother it to death. To be out numbered now? To not have enough hands to hold everything, to fix everything, to help everyone? If the baby will have problems, if I will have problems, if something happens so that this has to be our very last one?
What is there to be nervous about?
"Are you excited?" Excited to hold my baby? To have that new baby smell on my hands? To finally decide on names? To count fingers and toes and hair color and eyes? To not feel like a beached whale? To not have constant cramps with a real contraction every 3 hours - just enough to be miserable, but not enough to do anything about it? To not be a pregnant hormonal freak (I know my hubby's excited for that one, even if it does get worse after.)? To be a family of 5? To feel that overwhelming joy and angst at this new responsibility?
There is almost too much to be excited about.
"Do you need anything?" Do you mean besides 12,000 diapers? And in reality, a whole heap of formula for when nursing fails again. And more patience. And sleep. And for our van, which was rear-ended 3 weeks ago to finally be out of the shop so we can all fit again. And way more money than I really want to spend for doctor's bills. And for it to be Thursday already so I can be home and resting and start the process of our new "normal" life.
Nope. Not a thing.
Ready or not. Here baby comes.