Ugg!

In a world filled with disease, war, poverty, and really uncomfortable bras, I need to just take a moment to vent.

Top of my list takes place in my Kitchen.

I think we own the most sensitive smoke detector, IN THE WORLD. I'm not kidding here. First of all, it goes of almost daily (at least 5 times a week). Second of all, 99% of the time, guess what sets it off. Any ideas?

Yup. My toaster. I toast more than 2 slices of bread, it will go off. From toast! No smoke, no steam, and not really much heat. And the smoke detector is around the corner 9 feet away (I measured). Since my I-have-to-snack-on-something-cause-I'm-STARVING body has really been into peanut butter toast lately, this really bugs.

While I'm here, let's just make a list of other incredible important rants in my life.

*Incredibly LARGE fly which find your way into the house after the kids left the side door open, AGAIN, and then decide to buzz around your bedroom at 2 am.
*Needing less than 1 yard of yarn to finish an afghan.
*making 2 special trips to the only store that carries said yarn, only to have it out of stock BOTH TIMES.
*Discovering a trilogy when only 2 books have been published, especially when book two leaves off with everything BAD possible happening, and no apparent way of how to solve it.
*My kids begging to eat something I told them we'd have for dinner ALL DAY LONG, and then taking 1 bite before declaring they are both full. (no wonder my almost 5 year old is only 36 lbs!)
*Weeks that Hubby only has one day off in between trips. Only one day out of 8 days of flying!
*My paranoid pregnancy brain. Just because this pregnancy is being identical to my first (when my water broke 5 weeks early . . .) does not mean I need to put together the crib yet. OR install the car seat. OR wash every newborn thing we have (in both colors since we didn't find out what we are having). Seriously, can someone help my hormonal brain that installing a car seat 4 months before I'm due will not help me stay pregnant longer?

Ok, in reality, life is really great right now. We've had AWESOME weather (lots of cooling wind, which tends to make me hyper), my kids have been very helpful with my projects, my house has been semi clean for more than 2 hours, my son is FINALLY getting this toilet training thing (again), I get to talk to my hubby almost every day, and my mood couldn't be better. It actually took me a long time to come up with that list. But I do have to admit, I think I might need to take out the battery in that alarm!

Can you say AWESOME!

Do you like to read?

Do you like awesome books?

Do you like it when those books are . . . FREE?!?!?!?!?!?!?

I just found out that Deseret book started a free download section of books. The deal is, they release a chapter at a time, and then at the end the whole book. But they are only available for a limited time. Go check it out. And then bookmark it, 'cause you know you want more!

Catching up

So after bragging about my amazing haircut, I had requests to post some pictures. I may be slow (like 6 weeks slow), but here they are. (We just got a web cam and I was having way too much fun figuring out how to use it!)

My basic cut:

Love it love it love it! But I have hair issues, as in I can't STAND it when my hair is in my face. So I never wear it just down. Sometimes I pull it back in adorable homemade headbands like this:

But my fall back is half pulled back like so:

I'm loving that it takes about 7 minutes from shower to done. So fun!

Also, I recently won an amazing pair of cilia forceps. Now there's an awesome phrase for you. It's right up there with lingual frenulum. After hearing of their amazing tweezing ability, I was so excited to get them in the mail. When I opened it, I was a bit disappointed. I mean, they just look like tweezers. Hearing that I was holding an actual surgical instrument, I expected . . . more. I don't' know what, but more. But then I tried them. Wow. So much easier to actually get a decent plucking job. I love them. I may even have to research how to actually shape my brows (since all I ever do is prevent my uni brow from showing up!

So InkMom, is there anyway regular people can order some? Or do you just have to know someone? 'cause these things rock!

And now I think I hear something delectable calling my name in the kitchen. Or if not, I'm going to go create something delectable that can call my name . . . .

Sighs

I have officially given up a wish.

See, when I started this blog, I wanted a place where few people knew me. A place of my own where I could pretend that I'm really cool. A place to rant, a place to whine, a place to glory in the mundane-ness of my life presented in such a way to not be so mundane.

I have done that. But reality is, I'm a slacker blogger. There are so many times when I should blog, but get distracted (pardon me while I go play Cariboo with my kiddos), times when I'm too tired to blog, and even more when inspiration is sorely lacking. Thus long periods of time go by with out a word from me.

Sigh. This wouldn't be a problem, except I sort of had a goal. As I read other blogs, I noticed people having 1 year blogiversaries, or 100th post contests. I thought it would be so cool to do both- for my 1 year blogiviersary have a 100th post contest!

However, it's already September.
And my blogiversary is the middle of October.
And I'm only on post 74.

Something is telling me I won't write 26 posts in the next 5 weeks.

Sigh. I thought of doing a dozen or two fluff stuff posts. But I'd rather not subject you to that. Instead, I'll try to post more often, and see how many I can get in before October 13. And that contest will most likely show up like next May.

Any requests for an awesome contest prize? Keeping in mind that I will be funding this myself and do not own a money tree. What kind of things do you guys like? Crafts? gift cards? used chewing gum?

The afghan project

Did you see the new afghan pictures? In case you missed it here's a bigger one:



Aren't they lovely? They represent way WAY too many hours sitting, wasting time, instead of being really productive.

I don't know if I ever mentioned it, but I'm a reader. A HUGE reader. I think I'm averaging 2.5 books a week. Mostly because of these afghans.

For the whole 3 of you that aren't related to me, you might wonder what these are for. Back in January, I decided I needed to really learn how to crochet. To accomplish this, I was going to make afghans for my hubby's side of the family for Christmas. One for each person. And that would be 6 full afghans in 12 months. Crazy I know.

But then I figured out how to read and crochet at the same time. If I read on my bed, I can lay the book open on the bed and prop it open with my unmade sheets. That way I can read and crochet at the same time. So I pretend that I'm productive by sitting for hours reading (because if I'm working on Christmas presents, that counts, right?).

The delightful news: I've got 5 finished. That thrills me to my core. That fifth one was really fussy and time consuming. I'm so glad to have it done. The crazy news: I decided to make one for my Hubby. See the first two I made were for his Dad and brother. The whole time I worked on them, he would make comments like "well, if it was for me I'd like it this way" or "if you ever wanted to make me one I'd do this . . ." It didn't take too many hints for me to get the clue. And this 6th afghan is amazingly fast and easy to work on. So when Hubby is home, I work on that one. When he's off flying, I work on his. I'm pretty sure I'll get both of them done in the next 5 weeks or so. (Which will leave me plenty of time to work on a baby blanket for my little one!)

My struggle with mommy rage

I feel like I need to apologise for my lack of blogging. I feel like I'm being a bad bloggy friend. I promise I've been reading your blogs, I just haven't felt profound, or inspired, or even remotely funny - all things I try to do when I blog. Just part of my goal to pretend that I'm cool like that. I have planned on writing some posts requested by some comments. I've done a lot of mental drafts, just haven't sat at my computer long enough to do more than that.

But this post got me thinking today.

Like Besty, I struggle to decide where all my anger comes from. As my siblings can attest - I had a lot as a teen too, especially certain times of the month. I remember how great it was when I got my own room, and could just hide in there for a week. Everyone was so much happier when I could withdraw myself from life, including myself.

But I haven't struggled this much with my temper since I hit 20. So why to I go from mildly upset to a lunatic in 3 sentences?

I really did NOT like the idea that mommy rage could be some form of "buyers remorse." I love my kids, and have never once regretted the decision to have them. I have however really hated their actions, or my reactions to them.

Yes, I have a raving demon within me. Personally, 90% of the time it’s manifest because of the kids - something they did. For me I don’t think it’s ever been “buyers remorse”. With me it’s all about control.

Think about it: for the past X # of years, you were in control of everything you did. You decided where you wanted to go. You decided what to wear. You decided who to play with, what to eat, how to behave. Especially after high school, you had almost complete control over everything in your life.

Did you want a clean room? That’s your job. Did you want straight A’s? You can control that too. Hate the feel of your place? Just move somewhere else. Your success (or lack of it) was mostly a product of your effort.

Having kids changes that completely. No matter how much I clean, someone else is there to mess it up. No matter how much I play with my kids, they want more. No matter how nice I am to them, they will fight with each other. I no longer have complete control over the environment I live in. I can be as nice and wonderful and clean and perfect as I can try, but these other creatures inflict their own wants and needs and emotions directly on my life.

For me the monster usually surfaces when that control is completely lost - kids trying to kill each other over a toy, painting walls with diaper contents, breaking something after they’ve been told to leave it alone. I still want the control over my life I had 5 years ago.

But the joys of having my children are worth taming this monster. To hear them giggling together as they have a water party in my basement, even when it's over our very nice new carpet - isn't that worth the effort of cleaning it up? It's only water. Or watching them discover a strange new bug - does my need to get milk really demand them to come this very second away from the fascination?

At the end of the day, when all is said and done, I am happy to be a mom. There is nothing more rewarding. My lack of control over myself (let alone everything else), is very disturbing to me. But since one of the reasons we are here is to gain control over our bodies, I just have to keep on trying. Eventually, I will be able to let the frustrations roll off my back with ease. There IS a good chance that that will not happen until my kids have left the house and aren't there to test it so frequently. But I won't give up trying until I succeed. Because I owe it, to my kids, to my spouse, and to me.

A momentous occasion

At last it has happened. I've been waiting for this for years. I've checked over, and over, but until now have been denied this opportunity. But finally I can rejoice with those around me.

I haven't posted for a while because I was partying in Utah. Had some HORRIFIC non-rev adventures (like 27 hours in DFW, with two hyper pre-schoolers and myself that had to go find a bathroom every 30 minutes), an AMAZING fun time at my high school reunion, a blast playing with my sisters and nieces (and the one nephew I saw), re-connected with some amazing friends, and got the best hair cut I've ever had in my life (thanks sis!).

It was because of that haircut that this momentous thing has happened to me. A life long goal has been accomplished. This sense of completion has filled my being.

I discovered my first gray hair.

So, in case you haven't noticed, I'm weird. Really. In all honesty, I really am happy to find this little hair. I've been expecting a gray hair for years now. My mom was really young when she started going gray (mid 20's I think). That could partly be the 4 kids she had in 4 years by the time she was 24. I thought I'd follow her footsteps. I have a sister that found a gray arm hair when we were in high school. Several times I thought I'd discovered one, only to be disappointed and decide it was a blond highlight. But there I was, standing in front of my mom's mirror playing with my seriously cute hair, when it popped right out. Totally gray. And about 3 inches long. Obviously been hiding for a while now. I love it.

I have never dyed my hair in my life. My biggest reason: I'm too lazy/cheap to keep it up. And I really hate the way it looks when dye jobs are growing out. My mom wasn't allowed to dye her hair. My dad had a thing for pure white hair and really wanted my mom to get that way asap. I kind of like that attitude. And if I don't dye it, I'll never be one of those weird 72 year old ladies with pink hair the end of the month and shocking auburn 3 days later.

So here I am. Rejoicing that I'm all grown up and produce gray hairs all on my own. It really gives me this little sense of satisfaction.

'Cause I'm weird like that.