Thursday, March 19, 2009

I am better than I think I am.

I have to admit, I do not have the highest self esteem in the world. When I've admitted that to people, they are very surprised because I come across as very outgoing. Apparently I hide my insecurities quite well.

But I don't think I'm that cool. I fail in so many areas of my life. Actually, I have a hard time believing people actually like me, that they just put up with me instead.

Last night I had a bit of a morale boost. A pseudo good friend (as in I want to be great friends with her, but I don't really know her, and she lives a couple thousand miles away) gave me a great complement. In an email about something I made, she said "So creative, Laree". I felt so flattered. This amazing woman (who is even sorta famous, at least among LDS bibliophiles) actually thought that something I did was creative!

Now, I have to admit, I've NEVER thought of myself as creative. I've been known to say I don't have a creative bone in my body, but I can copy other's works. However, I'm coming to realize that I'm much more creative than I give myself credit for. I frequently take recipes and change a lot in it - thus making it my own recipe, although I have never thought of it this way. I had always thought of it as "their" recipe, but when you change every aspect of the dish in some, even minor, way, it's no longer their recipe but yours.

And that's not all I do. Here's a list of things that I have done in the last 24 hours (some more creative than others, but all contribute to me)

I have:
Played games with my kids
Played the piano
Bargain shopped
Connected with old friends
Made a new friend
Fell in love with my hubby (again!)

I focus way too much on the mountain of unfolded laundry, the crumbs under the table, the shear amount of things left to do.

But I am creative. I do creative things in my own way. There is not such thing as a cheater method - just different ways to achieve the look you want.

Currently I am scraping 1 page a day. I get frustrated because I have 5 years of stuff do to for my kids to be caught up. But at 1 page a day, that's 6 full books a year, which would have me caught up on my kids by December.

My piano skills leave much to be desired, but I have improved exponentially in the last 12 months, just by playing a hymn a day.

I have much left on my afghan projects, but I am almost done with 2 full blankets. At this rate, I just may make that July goal.

Almost no one reads my blog, but is that why I blog? No. I do get a thrill when an unknown semi-famous (hi Andrea!) person comments on my craziness. But really, I blog for me. I want to think I'm cool for myself. I want to be pleased with my talents. I want to focus on my greatness.

I am me.

And I am creative.

1 comment:

  1. I have always thought you are a pretty amazing person! Glad to know you are starting to see what some others of us have known all along!!! Love ya sis


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