minor miracle

Lost this week: 0
Total loss: -20.8

So I didn't move at all numbers wise this week.  But actually, that's really rather a victory for me.

My kiddos had 3 days off of school last week, so we went on a whirlwind trip to visit family.  I wasn't great either.  I had McDonalds twice (mmmmm bacon egg cheese biscuts for breakfast).  I had a gloriosly greasy sandwich and cream soup.  I discovered that my mom's awesome fudge is A. MAZE. ING if you schmear some peanut butter on top.

But with all of that, I broke even.  Because I also was sensible for my regular breakfasts.  I paid attention and stopped when I was feeling satisfied (I'm actually leaving food on my plate!). I let myself eat what I wanted, but never went overboard.

For me, this isn't just about loosing weight.  I don't feel like I'm on a diet.  I'm changing my life.  I honestly plan on eating like this for the rest of my life.  Granted, I won't always be activly trying to loose, so I'll add back in some points.  But to get to the point that I know when to stop, that I can indulge but not regret it, that is just huge.

huge mental victory

Lost this week: -.4
Total loss: -20.8


 I wasn't going to say this, 'cause it's slightly embarrassing just how big I was, but

I'M BELOW 200 POUNDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I haven't been below 200 since 2010.  This is an ENORMOUS victory for me.  It was a small actual loss this week, but the mental high of seeing a 1 first instead of a 2 is indescribable.  

I've tried so many times to eat healthy, to get this weight off, to get moving, to do what I needed to be a healthy me. But it never really worked, mostly 'cause I would only stick with it for a couple of days.  But this, this is the start of an actual life change.  I will get healthy. I will get fit. and I will be awesome!

20 pounds

Lost this week: -1.8
Total loss: -20.4

I hit twenty pounds this week.  I actually crossed the 20 pound mark!  I kind of felt like I had a mental block against this number (which was my way of explaining why all my losses have been smaller for the last way too many weeks).  But lots of prayers were said (man, I'm struggling remembering that again!), and I buckled down and had success.

I don't have a lot of hope for this next week.  Those stupid pills are by my nightstand again, so I'm starting that whole pms thing again.  But that's ok, even with set backs, I've still lots TWENTY POUNDS!!!!

If I loose even .2 this next week, I'll be on a new 10's place on my scale. And I'll see a number that hasn't been there for almost 4 years.  Oh how thrilled I am about that idea!

confused

Loss this week: +.4
Total lost: 18.8

I don't understand what happened this week.  I was good (not perfect, but good) with my points.  I didn't have any bad eating days, just regular ones.  I don't understand how I could be up this week.

Especially after my emotional high of last week.  I kept that in my mind all week did lots of praying, but still I'm up.

Hmmmm. I'm going to have to think about this one.  Maybe it's just a fluke and I'll be down lots tomorrow?

Timing wise, I'm 3 months into this 6 month journey.  And I'm not as skinny as I "should" be.  But I'm a completely different size than I was in June.  And that's a wonderful feeling.  So I'll focus on that, and not the negative!


(and yes, I realize that every sentence in that last paragraph has horrid grammar.  Sometimes, that's just how I roll!)

Oh that felt good!

Loss this week: -1.8
Total lost: 19.2

I'VE LOST NINETEEN POUNDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(sorry for the shouting, but wow I'm super excited about that number!)

That is a beautiful number.  An amazing number.  I'm in love with that number.

And what's more . . . I'm wearing a pair of size 16 jeans right now - and I don't look like a stuffed sausage!  I'm down a pant size!

(now, I'd feel a lot more comfortable in them if I was down another 5, but hey, give me a couple of weeks and I'll be there!)

I am slightly worried about the time line. Next week will be my 3 month mark (half way there!), but I'm not half way loss wise.  But hey, I'm awesome, this is awesome, maybe I can have a mini miracle and loose 6 pounds this week.  But if not . . .  I'm STILL DOWN 19 POUNDS!!!!!

Recomitting

First off: apparently I never posted last week. Sorry for that!  Long story short, I was up and it was awful.

So here's this week:

Loss this week: -1.5
Total lost: 17.4

I've been feeling really down about this whole thing.  The last month I've been . . . let's just say I haven't been as dedicated with my food choices.  And the scale has shown that too.   And I felt like there was just no way I could ever make this goal.  I really kind of lost my faith in this miracle.

But I had a discussion with a friend.  And I realized, I'm not that behind.  I need to be down 25 pounds by my three month mark.   That's much more reasonable - I can do that!  and remember, this is a MIRACLE I'm asking for.  Literally.  So even if I doubt my own ability, I don't CAN'T doubt His ability.

So with all that, I've recommitted myself.  I can do this.  I will pray more.  I will exercise more (ooh, I just got a new treadmill, for free, and it's AWESOME!!  I've totally run more in the last week than I  had in the last 4 months!)  And He will help me for this.

(but I'm kind of worried, I just lost another point in my daily total.  Eep!  But no, I CAN DO THIS!!!)

I'm pretty sure my scales must be broken

 . . .and I actually mean that literaly, not just in the "my diet isn't working so it must be the inanimate object's fault" way.

I've had my scale for a year or two now.  I've always done a couple of measurements - just to make sure I stepped on evenly and got an accurate measure.  When I started this weight loss journey, I was taking 3 each time, and took whatever number was the same twice.  Then, a month ago, I started needing to take 4.  In the last two days, I've taken 6 or 7 and still not gotten the same number more than twice. 

Also, on Sunday, it said that I was up a pound. Now, I totaly believe that - I was NOT good last week.  I was down right awful!  So I get that pound.  But yesterday it said that I gained two pounds in ONE day!  That one doesn't work for me - I was decent that day, and two pounds in one day is what happens when you're pregnant, not dieting!  (which I GUARUNTEE I am not pregnant!).  I even decided to wait a day to check in to see if it would get better.  Today, even though I couldn't get the same number to show up twice, they all said I was up three to FIVE pounds.  Yeah, soooo not believing that one!

In other words, I don't really have a clue what my weight is, so I don't know what to say here.  I guess I'll just leave it with this:

Loss this week: up a pound ish
Total lost: 10-16 pounds!


I can't get a new scale until payday, and even then it might not happen.   So I guess I'll just play it by ear for the next few weeks!

A decent week

Loss this week: -2.0
Total lost: 16.6


 Super happy with that two pound loss.  It was hard to get back in the habit of tracking points with my calculator (but SOOO happy to have that one back!).  I had seriously let myself slip on keeping track, so it was hard to decrease the food again.  But that's ok.  My only qualm is I should have had a bigger loss (it was bigger on Friday!).  I guess having cake two days in  row is seriously not great for a loss week!

Next week I will have been on this journey for 2 months.  I wanted to be down 20 pounds by then - which won't happen.  But still, as of today, my weight matches my delivery weight with 'Lil.  It's still way more that what I wish it was, but I haven't seen these numbers in almost 2 years!

Back on track

Loss this week: -2.2

Total lost: 14.6

 Oh that number is so much better!  Loosing another 2 pounds (ok, it's only 1.6 if you subtract my gain from last week!) but this puts me at a number I haven't seen for 3 years.  It's a beautiful number! If I loose another two this week, I'll be where I was when I delivered 'Lil. 

My biggest problem is that total number - at this point I should really be close to 18 lost if I want to make my insane goal.  I've got to kick it into high gear here.  Hopefully my calculator will come on Wed (please oh please oh please Mom remember to bring it with you!) and that will help so much. I just don't track well on  my own. I'm trying to keep a talley on my fridge, but it's so much harder than on that calculator!

Life is also so much better when one is no longer pmsing or retaining water from said pms.  It's like there's hope again in my weight loss!

Here's to another week down, and an even better one coming up!

The Post I don't Want to Write.

Loss this week: + .6

Total lost: 12.4 lbs

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It happened.  I had a HORRIBLE week, and seriously fell off the wagon.  And I gained.  Not only did I not loose the 1.75 that I'm supposed to each week, I GAINED HALF A POUND BACK.

Why did this happen you may ask?  It's simple - remember those hormone pills I have to take?  Yup, totally in the middle of those.  Which also means I'm pmsing, and I still don't have my points calculator back.  I tried to keep track with talley marks, but I was really bad at actually marking down.  Plus I kept on forgetting just how many points I get a day, and deciding it didn't matter if I went over a little, but didn't keep track of how many I was over for the week.

In other words, I realy didn't care about being good, and failed to pray every time I wanted something caloriefull and not a smart food choice.

I am weak.  My flesh is very weak. And when I don't ask for help to make my spirit strong, it doesn't come.  Asking isn't hard - wanting to be healthy more than pig out  is what is hard!

On the plus side, yesterday morning I was actually up 1.6, so at least I was good yesterday. And I can be good again today . . . although I still have 4 more days of pills and no calculator (that thing SERIOUSLY helps me!).  But no matter: this is me, recommitting myself!

down again

Loss this week: -1.1

Total lost: 13 lbs

It's been 5 weeks now since I started this adventure.  13 pounds in 5 weeks - not too shabby.  To make my impossible goal, I need to average 1.75 each week for the next 21 weeks.  That's not impossible, but it sure is improbable!

I know this week was a slightly smaller loss than before.  But there's a good reason for that . . . apparently my scale says I'm heavier than my mom's!  Which really means that my first loss on vacation was less than I thought, and this one is probably more than it says, and in reality I didn't start this whole process as heavy as I thought.  But I'm here now, and we're just going with my scale for here on out.

I was again amazed at the difference of the days I remember to pray (frequent, fervent prayers) vs the days that I don't think about it.  He only helps when I ask - so why do I forget to ask more!

This week, my hardest thing was traveling (again), and loosing my points calculator.  Man, that was a huge one!  But I should get it back in a few weeks, so at least that won't last too long.

I was gone for two weeks.  In those two weeks, I lost almost 5 of my 13 pounds.  Yesterday was the first time I've seen anyone, so at first, I wondered if anyone would be able to tell.  I feel so much better in my clothes now (they are starting to be super loose!)  But then I realized that it just wasn't very likely. I could see a difference, but I doubted anyone else would.

But someone did!  Only one person, and it was at the end of church, but I can not express how much that meant to me.  It feels fabulous to have someone else notice your changes. My weight is down to where I was before I got pregnant with Jelly Bean.  This is awesome!

Next week, I want my loss to be obvious to everyone.  Don't know if that will happen, but that would be amazing! 

Drugs and food

Loss this week: -2.4

Total lost: 11.9 lbs (ish)

I cannot believe how this weight is coming off!  I am just flabbergasted each time I step on the scale.  This week I saw a number that hasn't been seen for over a year.  Not only that, but by next week I should be were I was when I got pregnant with Jelly Bean.  I can pull my jeans on and off without doing the button.  And I just feel so much better about my body and the way I look than I did a month ago!

What's more impressive about that loss this week, is the fact that I spent 48 hours at a huge family reunion with lots and lots and LOTS of snacks, treats, and temptations.  So I also spent a lot of time sending up quick little prayers.

Years ago, I worked at an ice cream shop.  We were allowed to have samples any time customers weren't around.  And I quickly learned that if I let myself start snacking, I wouldn't stop.  Food is like a drug that way.   This week I remembered that.  Yes, there was all kinds of stuff out.  But by not letting myself start as soon as the food was there, but holding off until most was gone, or it was almost bed time anyway, made a huge difference in the amount I ate.  In other words, I kind of just said no to my drug of choice, and it seriously helps!  (of course, I've tried that before.  but while the spirit is willing, my flesh is very weak.  He's making a HUGE help with that weak flesh part!)

I'm trying not to get too excited about these losses.  They are a phenomenal start, but I'm sure it won't last.  I don't have a lot of faith in myself that I'll actually be able to maintain this rate of loss for another 22 weeks.  However, if I actually do, I'll meet my goal 3 weeks earlier than I planned!

and traveling is hard too

Loss this week: -2.1(ish)

Total lost: 9.5 lbs

So last week I talked about how my silly hormone pills are super hard to loose weight with.  But I recommitted myself, and prayed a LOT and things went MUCH better this week.

At least for the first half of the week.

And then I jumped on a plane with my kids and have been busy playing and chatting and laughing . . . and eating with family and friends.

When I'm trying to loose weight, I don't really like to broadcast it to every single person I meet. (except for the fact when I put it on my public blog hah!) So it's hard when family provides dessert with all three meals, or makes something you know will be not super healthy, or you decide to splurge and take your cute sister and clan out for lunch.

But hey - I'm down more than two pounds this week. I'm not complaing at all about that!

*two pounds ish.  I'm not exactly sure how accurate my scale at home is compared to my mom's.  So it's a slight estimate for my total stuff.  But taking my starting weight at home and subtracting my current weight at my folks house gives me that number.  We'll see when I get back home in a couple of weeks how close I was!  Also, apparently my ticker on the side bar rounds up, so that's why it says 10 this week instead of 9.5!

Hormones are Hard

Loss this week: -1

Total lost: 7.4 lbs

Let's talk hormones for a minute, shall we?  So, a year ago, I started to have some interesting symptoms.  My hair was falling out, I had insomnia, I couldn't focus, had hot flashes . . . it was crazy.  After a very involved google search, I found a site that listed the 34 most common menopause symptoms, and I had 29 of them.  Seriously - at 32 I was having that many symptoms.  Not cool.

In February I finally got around to seeing my ob-gyn.  To make a long story short - I took the easy route.  I could have done a ton of blood work (and had to come back three separate times to draw blood at different parts of my cycle).  But we knew that I have low progesterone (that's that whole infertility thing I went through), so we decided to just try taking some.  So I'm on this little completely round pill for 2 weeks out of every cycle.

And I love it.  My hair loss has slowed way down, I sleep normal, I'm not a crazy person (ok, that last one is relative.)  But it does have one nasty side effect: weight gain.  I gained two pounds every month while I've been on it.

Guess who started those pills again 5 days ago.

Guys - this week was hard.  Seriously, ridiculously, hard.  I didn't want to be good - I wanted to stuff my face with whatever I could find.  I didn't want to figure out points, or to stay with in them, and so honestly I was so. SICK. of FRUIT!!  Plus we celebrated Buddy's birthday AND we had the 4th of July, AND my Hubby decided to go buy my favorite treat too.  I knew I should want to be good - but I could barely come up with the desire to want to want to be good.

And I really wasn't that good.  I was down right awful a few days.  Saturday night I had a good long talk with myself.  I knew something was not great here, but why on earth was it being so hard.  It didn't take long for me to come to a realization: I had stopped praying for help.  Huh.  Imagine that - if you stop praying for help, He's going to stop helping!  And I realized again the weakness within me.  I CANNOT do this on my own.  There is just no way.

Yesterday was full of prayers again - both of apology and of help.  And it was better . . .but still hard.  I know I will only make this goal with His help.  So here's to a better week . . . and lots of time on my knees.

1st weigh in

This week: -6.4
Total loss: 6.4

I know that you often loose a ton the first week of a new diet.  I'm really happy about loosing 6 pounds - I can feel it in my pants and my knees don't hurt when I go down the stairs.

At first I was bugged - because that 6.4 was a 5.4. I blamed that on finishing up my points last night at 9:00 with a bowl of cinnamon toast crunch. But then I weighed again, and I'm just super excited!  I've met a couple of my benchmarks already: past the weight when I delivered Jelly Bean, past 5 pounds.  I'm almost to the point where I was when I started these silly hormone pills (that make me not have menopause symptoms any more, which this 33 year old thinks is a great idea!).  This is such a good start to this venture.  It has not always been easy - at all!  I'm so used to finishing my kiddos lunches and cookies and whatever they hand to me when they don't want it.  This morning my Hubby woke up early to make pancakes for everyone . . . and I had to tell him that I just couldn't eat them.  They were too high points, and I knew I'd be hungry again in an hour if I did.  But changes are happening.  Great changes.

Here's to week two: this prayer circle is a huge one, but I know it can happen.

My improbable prayers

Let’s chat for a minute, shall we?  I know, it’s been a million years since I’ve blogged for real. Sorry, that’s just the way my life has been.  But I’ve set a new goal, so, while this blog will change a ton in the next while, I should be writing more.

Recently I picked up the book The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson.  There were parts that I really enjoyed, and parts that I thought were needing some restored gospel knowledge.  The basis of the book comes from a Hebrew legend of Honi the Rainmaker.  He lived 200-300 bc (the time between the old and new testaments.)  There was a very bad drought in Israel, but Honi had an improbable faith.  He went into the desert, drew a circle in the sand with his staff, and knelt down inside.  Basically he prayed that he wasn’t moving until God sent the rain.  A light trickle started.  Honi said “nope, that’s not the rain I’m praying for.”  So a torrential downpour started, lighting, flash floods, the whole shebang.  Honi said “ nope, that’s not the rain I’m praying for.”  And a good steady soaking rain came.

Can you imagine?  Asking God for the impossible, and not moving until He comes through?  For a while now, I’ve been feeling that I don’t have enough faith. I worry too much about the things I’m responsible for, about our finances, or my Hubby’s job.  I don’t test the Lord on the promises He’s made for me.  The book talks about praying improbable prayers – things so big, so hard, so scary to think of that when it happens, you know there is no way your power made it happen.  It had to come from Him. And to pray with  intensity – to circle that problem completely in fervent, passionate prayers.

This struck so true to me.  So I came up with three circles. Two of them I don’t want to share here.  But the first one might be the most impossible anyway.

I’ve struggled with my weight for  a long time.  Way too long. For about three years now, I’ve been saying “when Hubby makes a little more money, I’ll just join weight watchers again.”  But that money has been so long coming, and I can not wait any longer.  Last Sunday, I tipped the scales as bigger than I have been in my entire life.  I weighed 3 pounds more than when I delivered Jelly Bean.  For months now I’ve felt completely out of control in my eating – I just can not stop. 

Like all goals, Batterson states that your prayers need to be measurable too.  I knew I needed to get specific, and a thought popped into my head.  I immediately dismissed it as too hard, it just couldn’t happen.  But that made me pause – if I prayed for this, I would know that the Lord had given it to me.  There is no way I can do this on my own, but He is waiting to bless me, wanting to show me His power.  I do believe that, so why not go for it!

Here’s my first prayer circle: 50 pounds in 6 months.  I know, crazy, right?  There is no way this fat, out of control body can do that.  6 months is 26.5 weeks – that’s losing an average of 1.88 pounds per week.  It’s not an impossible goal, but it sure is an improbable goal to keep that up.  Not to mention that I started this June 23 . . . 6 months after is December 23.  Not exactly the best time to be finishing a weight loss goal!  When I figured that out, I paused – then said, “well, it will show just that much more that I didn’t do this, He did.”  I’ve got different goals along the way: weigh the same as when Jelly bean was born, loose 10 lbs, weight before I got pregnant with Jelly bean, loose 20 lbs, weight when ‘Lil was born.  My end goal is almost exactly where I’ve been three times in my life: before I got pregnant with ‘Lil, before I got pregnant with Girly-Lou, and what I weighted in High School.

I believe with all my heart that one of the main reasons we are  on this earth is to gain control of our bodies.  He wants this to happen, so if I pray a circle around this desire, He will help me to make it work. 

I started on Monday.  My sister gave me all her old weight watchers stuff and I took the plunge.  And He helped.  I was able to eat exactly my points . . . and I wasn’t hungry.  I didn’t feel deprived.  I could feel my body craving chocolate, or wanting to make cookies, or just eat everything in sight, but I could feel my spirit being stronger than those desires.

I know this morning only starts day 3.  And I know that weight loss often is really huge at the first.  But I just got off the scales, and I’m down 4.8 pounds from Sunday.  I can NOT believe that  number.  Which is why this process is strengthening my faith. I can not do this on my own.  But I know He can – and is. That’s my first benchmark goal achieved.

Since I don’t have the money to join the support group of weight watchers, I’m doing one here.  Every Monday I plan on weighing in. I’ll post my +/- each week.  And I know He will make this happen.

Want to join in with me?  What improbable prayers do you need in your life?