On being scrooge

Oh the joys of Christmas!  The lights, the smells, the twinkle in my children's eyes.  And the responsibilities, the crowds, the pressure that I put on myself to do things, make things, give things.

I have not been feeling the season this year.

Part of it is my daughter.  'Lil is just. so. HARD. sometimes.  I haven't let myself call her anything more than determined (though her special ed preschool teacher laughed when I said that, and said that was a VERY nice way to describe how stubborn she is).

But more than once this month, in an attempt to not scream like a banshee, I've sent everyone downstairs with a movie on, and cranked Christmas music super loud to drown out all the bad.

It's worked - sort of.  I've calmed down, but I still haven't felt the Christmas spirit.

I always give presents to many people - friends, neighbors, family.  This year I've been fine to get things together for my kids and hubby, but every time I go to do more than plan a gift for someone else, I just put it off more and more and more.  The other day I realized that I was resenting this whole gift thing.  No one is making me give presents - no one but myself.  I resented myself for being selfless in other years and expecting it of myself this year.

Selfishness has been a bit of a problem this year.  I was being Scrooge.

Enter Saturday night.  My wonderful sister took four of us to a Messiah sing along.

It was fabulous.

The soloists did more than sing notes - they sang the story.  I felt the power of that inspired piece of music.  I fumbled along as we sang A a a a a a a  a A a a a a A ------------ men over and over and over, and felt the power in my soul of the truthfulness of our Savior.  I mentally connected that "blessing and honour, glory and power" and felt my testimony deep within my soul remind my natural self of just why I've always loved giving to others.

I left that performance inspired - full of love and the Spirit of Christmas.

My only regret - it was too late to make those 6 loaves of bread for my neighbors that night.  But don't worry, I have a plan today.  I'm off to play with flour and yeast and bring that joy to others.