How to make yourself really, REALLY tired in 5 steps

Step 1: Be 7 months pregnant. Now really, we could stop there, but if you’re going to do something, we might as well be thorough here.

Step 2: Stay up way too late watching silly movies because your Hubby is flying, and even though you know he’s in a different state, you still struggle to go to bed without him.

Step 3: Have a drama queen 7 year old with both a sunburn AND the sniffles (oh the horrors!). She’ll be so vocally miserable, you’ll convince her to try to take a nap at 4:30 (something she hasn’t done for 5 years).  Amazingly, she’ll actually fall asleep.  At 5:30, you’ll try to wake her for dinner, but she’ll be completely unresponsive. Not coma unresponsive, but roll away and not come even close to waking unresponsive. Decide sleep is good for her anyway and leave her there.  Don’t you worry, she’ll wake up 4 hours later, completely famished. You’ll give her dinner and send her back to bed. Of course she’ll then proceed to come down every 15 minutes to tell you she can’t sleep.  This will last until around 10:00

Step 4: Around 11:30, when you were finally thinking about heading to bed yourself, have your 2 year old start crying. Not a normal cry, but a truly something is wrong cry. Remember she’s been . . . off lately, and go help her. Her entire bed will be soaking wet. Dry diaper, no spilled water sipper, just everything strangely wet. Get everything changed, comfort her, and get her back to bed.  But the night isn’t over yet folks!  Around 2 am, she’ll wake you up again and say “bed, bed!”  You’ll then try to get some sleep for 30 minutes with her sitting on your face in your bed.  Then, she’ll suddenly sit up and make a very strange noise. Frantically run down the hall with her hoping you can get her to the bathroom before she throws up all over you.  Of course, bending over even the sink will freak her out, so she’ll throw up all over the floor. But once she’s calmed down, at least she’ll let you lay her back in her bed!

Step 5: Toss and turn for the next hour trying to get back to sleep.  Have all three kids wake up before 6 am, for a grand total of 4 hours of sleep!

 

Extra credit step: Every time the house is quiet during the day attempt to lay down for a nap. Within 60 seconds, your entire family will come looking for you!

*This procedure is guaranteed to make you deliriously exhausted.  Undertake at your own risk.  Author is not responsible for how cranky you’ll be.