The tender hands of a child

This post is going to be a bit harder to write. I usually try to be funny - but something is telling me I have to write this. I came home for Christmas - me, Girlie-Lou-Who, and Buddy. We've been here since the middle of December. Hubby was able to come for a bit, but had to go back and work (dang money. It would have been so much nicer if we could have just not worked for a full month, but unfortunately life requires money, and bosses get kind of angry if you don't show up for that long.) We would have headed home by now, but instead we stuck around to help my parents get ready to head of on their second mission. Anywho. The kids are getting a bit restless. They're missing their own beds and their own routines. A couple of nights ago, Buddy woke up around 10:00 with a bad dream. Worried that he'd wake up Girlie-Lou-Who, I ran downstairs to help him. It often takes a long time to calm him when he wakes with nightmares. This time was much shorter. I picked him up and almost instantly melted into my shoulder. I rocked my baby back and forth, back and forth, and rubbed his back. He tenderly reached over and began patting my back as well.

As my baby tried to comfort his mommy back, I was overcome a sense of love coming from him. I knew that I had to blog about this -I'm not sure why, but I knew this story needed to be told. I composed a beautiful entry in my mind - absolutely perfect in every way, but it of course didn't stick with me when I woke up the next morning. Why is it as children, we can show love and tenderness with out thinking of receiving anything in return. Why do I have such a hard time showing tenderness to those I truly love. What am I afraid of? I know my days are numbered as this way to big boy gets bigger and bigger. Way too soon, he won't want to melt into my arms when he's hurt, or sad, or just cuddly. For all I know, he might be the last baby I get to take home. I know I want more, I know I should have more, but maybe that's not in my cards. So why do I have such a hard time just enjoying my kids?

I don't have answers to these questions. But I believe that finding answers is an important goal in my life. In Matt. 18:3, Christ says we are to become as little children. I'm coming to realize that this is a big part of my character that I need to relearn from my children. I've heard things like this before, but this time it really has sunk in. Recently I read the idea of having a word for the year - one word that captures your goals for the year. I don't have a word for this idea that I'm trying to evolve into, except, maybe peace. That doesn't go quite far enough - there's more hear than just peace. I don't know, I'm rambling again. anyone else have a word to convey my thoughts? But that's one of my big goals for the year.