Weighty matters

So I've been overweight most of my life. It started when I was in about 4th grade, and I was convinced I was fat. (Yes, it started with some very external stimuli, but I'm not in the mood to point fingers, thank you very much) Let's get this straight - I was not fat. But I wasn't the scrawny kid I had been just the summer before. I started developing curves (we're early bloomers in my family). I had a shape, and I was led to believe that I shouldn't. So I started dieting. Yes, as a 10 year old, I started a diet. NO, this is NOT a smart idea!

Anyway, by the time I graduated from High School, I had dieted my way to 172 lbs. I tried to loose it, really I did. Ok, let's be honest, I THOUGHT I was trying to loose it. But I wasn't really trying.

2 years later, I joined Weight Watchers. It was great. I lost 25 lbs in just over a year. I look back at those pictures and realize just how great I looked, but I thought that I was still very large. And then I plateaued. Big time. For 6 months I gained and lost the exact same 5 lbs. Money got tight, and I stopped going. I moved out of home, and gained 15 back.

I was 160 when I got married. I gained 12 lbs, got pregnant, gained WAY too much, got pregnant again, moved across the country, and gained WAY too much again.

So here I was, fat, and hating it. But too full of excuses to do anything. I thought I was doing something about it, but the scale wasn't really moving (just like high school, I only thought I was doing something.) Last year I managed to loos 10 lbs, and felt much better. But it wasn't moving further.

Then 3 weeks ago, I had a breakthrough. It was a combination of several things: I had a sister loose a LOT of weight, who looked amazing. Then ANOTHER sister started loosing it too. I read a book that could have paralleled me, and she lost 40 lbs. And then I went to Church.

(some preface here: I KNOW that there is a God. I know he has a plan for us that started before this earth began, and goes on after this earth will end. We existed before this life as spirits with Him, and progressed as far as we could as spirits until we were given the chance to come here and get bodies. ok, you can totally disagree with me. It's my faith and I'm making no excuses here for it!)

At church, I made a comment. It was one of those times that you start speaking and realized as you are talking that what you are saying is really true. I basically said that little parenthetical paragraph up there, and then added that part of the point of this life is to gain control over these bodies we have been given. And until we gain control of all our impulses, appetites, desires, etc. We can't really progress to where we want to be.
It was a big light bulb moment. I had been full of excuses and reasons for why I looked like I did "My parents made me clean my plate as a kids so I don't know when to stop" "I can't afford Weight Watchers, but when I can THEN I'll loose it" or "I'm such a stress eater" but they are just excuses. Even reasons for why I got this way, but I am the reason I've stayed this way.

So, I'm stopping. I am actually doing something about it. The next day, after that Sunday, I actually ran. I thought it was 1/2 mile until I finished running (it was only 3 minutes, and I'm not that fast) I clocked it later, and it was .3 miles. But it was a start. I figured out how far 1/2 a mile was, and have been running that far when my hubby is home in the mornings, plus 1 1/2 mile walk after. On the mornings he's gone, I have a 3mile walking tape I do.

And this morning I actually ran a full mile. I haven't done that since 9th grade P.E.
It's working. In the 23 days since I started, I've lost 6.5 lbs. It's not huge, but I'm in a different tens place, a digit I haven't seen for over 4 years. If I keep this rate (I lost 4 lbs the first week, and have lost 1 a week since then), by Christmas, I'll be back at my HS weight. If I slow down then, and do .5 lbs a week, by the time my 10 year HS reunion rolls around next summer I'll be back at that skinny 145.

And even if I don't make that, I still feel better than I have for years.
So that's my story. I don't know if it will help anyone. Hunger is ok (I'm learning). Running isn't as bad as I've always thought it was. And no one is keeping anyone from change except for yourself. So I say, and I'm sticking to it.